Thoughts from the week…………………………
First, a poem leaps out at me as I resume the habit of reading poetry daily:
They tell me I am going to die.
Why don’t I seem to care?
My cup is full. Let it spill.
Brave, bold words which strike hard at the me who has no idea how to navigate these older decades, which seem to suck so many into bitterness and despair. What was it Odysseus had to navigate? The whirlpool Charybdis….some days I row too close to the whirlpool, too far away from the sun.
I am also feeling as if I have nothing new left to say in this blog, so I look back to old blogs to recycle and come across this (slightly reworked this version) from July of 2009. It seems a hint toward finding the blessing implied in Robert Friend’s poem, and so I share it…..
I want to live
I want to give
I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold……
and I’m getting old.
I thought about my searches for a heart of gold. What that meant to me was finding someone who would love me without ever hurting me. It was about me being loved, not so much about my loving.
And then I was reading Byron Katie, and very stark sentences leaped off the page: ultimately there is only you; you are your own suffering; you are your own happiness. And I thought about what had flitted through my mind as I hummed along with Neil Young: I’m the heart of gold.
It is the quality of my loving, which includes loving myself. And I’m growing old.”