ready

I sat Friday in the office of a funeral home looking at packages for cremation. It’s for Mom….not that anything’s happened, but we don’t have a thing in place for the time when she leaves us. Mom’s not sick….if you can call having Alzheimer’s not sick….and the funeral home was small and quiet and surprisingly comforting. As I discussed details with someone, tears came up. There was a momentary glimpse of that time when she will be no more and of the big gap it will leave in my life. I had glanced through a book on grief as I was waiting. With Alzheimer’s, the book said, you lose your role, your place, with the beloved person long before you lose the person. That moved some of my continuing upset into a more understandable place. A funny Mother story: she grabbed up the four placemats from the dining room table not long ago, went to the front door, and announced, I’m ready to go. Is she? And am I ready myself?

3 responses to “ready”

Kathleen | January 22, 2010 at 9:02 pm | Reply

Are we ever ready for any of this? My parents are both so frail. I grieve after every telephone call. In this business of becoming an orphan, my heart is with you.
K.
whollyjeanne | January 30, 2010 at 7:10 pm | Reply

though none of my elders (i had several childless great aunts to tend to, in addition to my dad and my in-laws – just my mother left now) had alzheimer’s, i’ve heard from friends that it’s an arduous journey through grief after grief after grief. though i know it’s hard, i applaud you for tending to necessary details now. and yes, there will be a hole in your life big enough to drive a mac truck through. no doubt about that.
Bonnie | January 31, 2010 at 6:14 pm | Reply

I highly recommend what you are doing – getting everything in order before the time comes. I planned my Mother’s arrangements well in advance of her departure. When the time came – it was hard – but would have been much harder had the arrangements not already been made. The funeral home was also appreciative. No matter how prepared you think you are – or how ready – it will still take you by surprise when the time comes.