only you


Two paths converged this week. I was listening to Neil Young:

I want to live

I want to give

I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold.

The saddest lyric in that song is:

and I’m getting old.

I thought about my searches for a heart of gold. What that meant to me was finding someone who would love me without ever hurting me. It was about me being loved, not so much about my loving.

And then I was reading Byron Katy, and very stark sentences leaped off the page: ultimately there is only you; you are your own suffering; you are your own happiness. And I thought about what had flitted through my mind as I hummed along with Neil: I’m the heart of gold.

It is the quality of my loving, which as always, includes loving myself, so that I don’t allow assault. But it’s about me. And I’m growing old

4 responses to “only you

  1. Sally Isenberg

    Oh, my Karleen,
    This touched me like a sledgehammer. I have been on a very complicated journey this year and two detours I didn’t expect to take were learning self-value and self-forgiveness.

    Thank you for your wisdom and beautiful prose.

    Sally Isenberg

  2. Getting old is only in our mind.
    Age never prevented people from doing things:

  3. Pingback: let it spill | Karleen Koen — writing life

  4. Aging brings with it the loss of so many people and lives we have led that are now gone. Loving and being loved is the ticket to making it through and bucket loads of courage.

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